


if i had my way, i would be yours (you say my name, i have no choice)

by inyourorbit



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Sex, One Shot, lipves - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inyourorbit/pseuds/inyourorbit
Summary: They were never meant to fall into something like this, fall into each other.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	if i had my way, i would be yours (you say my name, i have no choice)

Jungeun wonders if the pieces will ever slide into place for them. For her and Sooyoung.

Because the older often feels like no more than smoke sliding between the spaces of her fingers. Thick and heady for only just a short moment before floating away into nothing, only a scent lingering as proof and the fleeting feeling of Sooyoung’s skin against her own. 

They were never meant to fall into something like this, fall into each other. Jungeun liked to think of it as a happy accident.

All until what Sooyoung wanted was to avoid that anything had ever happened between them. 

.

It was the small things that started blurring the lines for Jungeun. Little things that Sooyoung would do that confused the _hell_ out of her. Caused her to think that “friends” wasn’t all they were. 

Not with the way Sooyoung would trace her fingers in the lightest touch against Jungeun’s thigh, a hand searching and grasping for her own, quiet laughs and whispered teases while Sooyoung stared right into her soul.

Did it mean more than just a simple gesture between friends or was it nothing at all? On the outside, to people that didn’t know Sooyoung, you’d think she wasn’t very approachable or at all attentive and caring and sweet.

Something about Sooyoung made her feel secure, the older girl always near to her. A solid presence Jungeun could rely on, she was her closest friend. 

.

Jungeun wanted _more_. More than the fleeting feather light touches. There’d be times she’d check out completely, zoning out while listening to Sooyoung and instead watching the way her lips move and admire how soft they look. She’d follow every single small movement with her eyes while she watched Sooyoung dance, captivated by her lithe body and the smooth and graceful way she moves against the floor beneath her feet.

She’d think about how it would feel to have Sooyoung pressed against her, to be underneath her as they found their own rhythm. What a dance of their own would be like. 

Jungeun doesn’t notice being caught staring, never does see the smirk that rises to Sooyoung’s lips at the younger girl so obviously ogling her. 

.

Lines get crossed really fast. Torched, even, to the point of no longer existing and any boundaries between them disappear. 

Jungeun felt like she could barely breathe the day Sooyoung fixed her with a smile that was just something downright predatory and teasing as they stood face to face. Jungeun felt like Sooyoung was towering over her, she felt small and Sooyoung was so close she could feel her breath on her lips and it made her knees feel weak.

“I see you staring at me, you know?”

 _No._

Jungeun really thought she was being subtle with her glances and stares in Sooyoung’s direction. She clearly wasn’t as discreet as she thought she was. Didn’t think Sooyoung noticed, at least.

“Jungeun..” Sooyoung murmurs and the way she says her name causes a hurricane of butterflies to swirl low in her belly, “Can I kiss you?”

She wants this. Wants Sooyoung. So _so_ bad. Jungeun doesn’t think to stop and ask what this is, if this means Sooyoung feels the same way that Jungeun’s never disclosed to her. That she wants to be with her.

At the first semblance of a nod from Jungeun, Sooyoung brushes their lips together in a slow and sensual kiss. Jungeun feels her brain short-circuit, thought that her first kiss with Sooyoung with all the pent up tension would be something more rushed and rough but this isn’t that but yet the intensity of it all is sending shivers down her spine.

She wants more more _more_.

.

And so it happens like that. 

Time stilling and lips meeting and clashing and falling apart only to come back together time and time again. 

Sooyoung wasn’t the first person Jungeun ever kissed but it had never felt like this with any past lovers.

That constant craving where it just never feels like enough.

Because they don’t talk about it, Sooyoung never mentions it and Jungeun’s too gone on her to even try and press the issue, instantly shutting up and not bringing it back up when swallows the words from her mouth with needy kisses.

The only words from her mouth being Sooyoung’s name and a few breathy whines and gasps when the older nips at her pulse point, dragging her teeth across her neck and leaving her marked.

All Jungeun can think of is I’m yours I’m yours I’m _yours_.

.

“We’re only friends,” Sooyoung mumbles between messy kisses, hands fisting into the hem of Jungeun’s shirt and moving to pull it over the shorter girl’s head.

To Jungeun, it didn’t matter. She didn’t know who Sooyoung was trying to convince anyway.

“I know.”

They’d never gone this far before and she was in too deep at this point to want to stop it. 

“Are you sure about this?”

Sooyoung’s hand is hovering over the button of Jungeun’s jeans, waiting for permission, waiting to hear her say the words before they cross yet another line.

“Y-yes,” she rasps out when Sooyoung’s other hand cups at her bra-clad breast with her knee pressing up against Jungeun’s center still covered by her jeans, “Please.”

.

Sooyoung never stays, like leaving is absolutely something that needs to be part of the routine of whatever it is that they’re doing.

But it’s never tense or uncomfortable, leaving Jungeun in bed with a kiss to the cheek before going to pull on her discarded clothes from wherever they ended up in the apartment. 

“I wish you would stay.”

Sooyoung hums, almost dismissive as she says, “One day.”

.

Things feel normal for once between them, for the first time in so long. Not this new “normal” they’d created for themselves in a moment of weakness and too much pent up sexual tension.

This time, nothing happens. No desperate kisses or frantically grabbing at clothing to bring their skin flush against the one another. 

Just _them_ , acting like how it was before they gave in. 

Something cracks in Jungeun’s heart, though, at the way Sooyoung looks at her sometime in the middle night when there’s nothing but them and the silence, a muted movie playing in the background and reflecting light off their faces. 

It’s a look of something broken, something sad and barely concealed behind a smile. 

“I miss this. I miss you. We used to be so close.”

Jungeun can’t figure out, for the life of her, what Sooyoung means by that. She thought _close_ was exactly what they were. 

Because, god, Sooyoung has every bit of her and she takes and takes all that Jungeun gives.

But she can’t give anything back.

.

Jungeun knows it’s not going to be good when Sooyoung texts and asks if she can stop by her place to talk. She freezes up, like ice water running through her veins and tells Sooyoung she can come over, that she’ll leave the door unlocked for her.

Sooyoung knocks anyway, treading lightly through the entrance of the apartment when Jungeun opens the door to her, the tension between is so thick it could be cut with a knife. 

And through all the familiarly that Jungeun has with Sooyoung - that they have with each other - it feels like there’s a stranger in front of of her instead. 

Sooyoung thinks they should stop, get some space. Jungeun saw it coming, could feel the end approaching from the last night they’d been together. Sooyoung had felt so faraway. 

All Jungeun can think to say is _Why?_

“I’ll never be what you need,” Sooyoung whispers, face turned down and staring at the floor. Knowing if she sees Jungeun’s eyes now, the pain will be reflected there because she know’s it’ll show in her own. 

Sooyoung can feel it in her chest like something solidifying and choking her, the _goodbyes_ getting stuck in her throat before they can make it to the tip of her tongue. 

There’s a difference between needing someone and wanting someone and Sooyoung knows it’s the latter for Jungeun. That this would all flare and fade out eventually once the excitement ended. She didn’t know when she became such a coward but it was too late now. 

That didn’t stop the confessions and apologies from pushing at the back of Sooyoung’s teeth when she finally gathers the courage to face Jungeun and sees the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. 

She wants to hold her, take it all back but it’s not for the best. 

It’s easier to swallow those apologies down and not show any regret even if she has an inkling she’s making the biggest mistake right now, pushing Jungeun away and rejecting her feelings. Including her own. 

And Jungeun realizes, sometimes the pieces of the puzzle just don’t fit together.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i wrote this in a rush when it came to me, it’s not as cohesive as i wanted it to be, and it’s pretty unedited but i’ll go back find any errors if there are some, just wanted to get this posted! 
> 
> kudos and kind comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> ALSO- umm, i may have written 2k+ words of Lipves smut. just pure no plot smut. so if anyone wants that posted??... please let me know otherwise that fic will probably never see the light of day haha.


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